The Simpsons - UK message

This is a hilarious Christmas message to the UK. I love how it refers to Boxing Day.

Enjoy and merry Eggnog Season !

Poker

My mom and Claude have started teaching my 10 year-old brother how to play Poker. They are essentially introducing him into the world of gambling. This has definately come from Claude, as my mom would never have been interested in such a thing. I'm very upset about it.

We had a big fight about the idea last night. It was suppose to be a 'discussion' but it ended up being a fight, with my mom defending Claude. What a surprise.

I'm so upset I could cry, and I did before bed last night.

Who the hell does he think he is to introduce my little brother to such a thing, when he has only been in his life for MAYBE 4 months. I'm ready to kick some ass, and I'm definately not leaving this one alone.

I hate Christmas

I really hate what Christmas has become.

People get so stressed out this time of year, and working at a Bank, you REALLY get to see how it affects people. So many people are taking out more credit, cash advances on their Visas, increasing their loans, etc. Its so unhealthy, both emotionally and financially.

I'm going to give simple presents this year. Presents that people will love, but also ones that they will appreciate. Not all this store-bought happiness in a shiny box that wears off in a couple weeks, but really interesting genuine presents.

I'm getting a cookbook for my friend Delyth, cause she can no longer eat gluten of any sort, so I'm going to get a gluten-free cookbook for her. I'm making some of my presents. There are a couple people I don't know what to get them, but I'm sure something will inspire me along the way.

Its the time we spend together that matters really. I'm going to make sure I spend time over the holidays with my family in Vancouver, at Claude's house, and with Cody. I just want us all to be together and to enjoy one another. Not to just sit on top of our heaps of shiny new toys, that we then get bored of days later. Cause really, when it comes down to it, those are just toys, they have no meaning to the heart. A gift of value and love is so much better, or even no gift and just spending quality time with those you love.

Yep, all I want for Christmas is quality time (and a hippopotamus).

Aveda Musical

OMG !

Steph did this musical as part of her Aveda class, and it is absolutely AWESOMELY HILARIOUS.

I love it, watch it !

you forgot something ...

Cody left this morning, on the 9am ferry. We agreed that it was best for him to take the early ferry today cause it is cheaper than regular ferries and he has stuff he needs to get to in Vancouver.

I seriously miss him already, and its been like 5 minutes since he left, he just called me, and he is waiting at the ferry terminal right now. I am really sad right now, sad that he isn't here, but I know that it is only termporary and that he is here in spirit.

So much has happened in the last week or so since I went over. I went over (called in sick to work on Saturday so I could) last weekend. Then when it was time for him to drop me off at the terminal to go home, he decided to just come over as well. It was such an awesomely romantic and wonderful time. The ferries were busy so we had to wait for about 2.5 hours and we just sat in the car and talked and read and went and got teas. It started snowing, and it just completed the magically surreal moment. It has been snowy all week here, which is odd for the southern coast, we never have snow that sticks and lasts, especially not for a week.

I worked during the week, and mom was stuck back in Vancouver because of the snow, so Cody and I had the house to ourselves. Work was closed on Monday, and we just hung out and had the most fabulous day doing nothing really at all but the simple small things and making the fun memories that you remember forever. While I worked this week, Cody made some absolutely amazing dinners for us, the first was a complete surprise. I walked home from work and was cold and not in the best of spirits and went right up to my room to change. He then calls me down to come look at something. I walked into the kitchen and there was white wine with a beautiful set table and a lovely aroma. He had cooked us the most amazing meal. Spinach stuffed mushroom caps for appetizer, then seared Cod with a homemade pecan pesto and tortellini on the side. It was absolutely fabulous.

We went to see his Aunt Marge who lives in Sidney as well, and shovelled her driveway and played many a card game with her. She really appreciated it, and she was really a lot of fun to spend the a couple evenings with.

We did so much this week, I cannot even begin to write it all on here. I cannot even describe the feeling of this week either. It has been so magical and surreal. I feel like I had found the most perfect place in life and the most perfect person whom to share mine with. I cannot help but be sad that he is gone for the week, but I am counting the seconds until next weekend.

then you think

Well, we all know how much of a pastime thinking is for me. Sometimes I do it too much, sometimes things are so obvious that you overthink them.

I overthought about Cody and I. I know I said I wouldn't, but I did. I was reading all the lack of big gestures, and not noticing the subtle but clear ones.

When I went over last weekend, Cody was still feeling ill from a bad flu he had had. Anyways, it was just his stomach, but he was also kinda tired. I understood this, but I also noticed that he didn't seem as cuddley or as obviously into me as I would expect. You know, the small things like moving towards you on the couch, or the little kisses and such. Anyways, I was so busy noticing the lack of those things that I didn't notice things that I should have.

Cody wanted to paint his room, and asked me what colours he should paint it, I said olive green with a redish brown feature wall. Then I came to visit, and guess what colour the room was, olive green with a red brick feature wall. Exactly what I had said, and I totally meant it as a hypothetical, I thought it was just what I thought, nothing more. He then asked me where to put his furniture and how to arrange it, and he did it exactly as I suggested. Little things like this, lots of them are signs. He picked me up from the ferry, spent his entire day with me doing whatever, and when I wanted to drive 20 minutes to out for coffee in Whiterock, we did it. He even secretly applied for a job here in Victoria, and didn't tell me because he didn't want to get my hopes up.

Hence, I cannot wait for next weekend. I have no more concerns about our relationship and its status. I know that he is a little scared to jump in too fast, cause we have been away for so long, and we had such big fights and things happened. At the same time, I know what he means to me, and I know that it is there. I know that he has to slowly open up to showing it, but that deep down he feels the exact same way, and that he loves me and us just as much as I do.

These things show what I should have realised, and they make me smile.

Dedication, me ?!

I apparently inspired an online friend of mine to start his own blog. We met online a little while ago, and I told him that I wasn't interested in dating, because I'm with Cody right now. He is super nice, and its good to chat with him about my more dorky vices, but I also had to make sure that I was clear about my friendship-only intentions. Anywyays, I just gave him the link to my blog, and he read it and apparently got inspired to read it. I think its cool, but he also dedicated a post to me, which is sweet (Dave). I'm happy I inspired him, I just hope that he understands we are just friends. I really do not want to lead anyone on the wrong way.

Anyways, I don't think I have. I am super happy to have a new blog to read about and comment on though. I have the regular ones I read (Megan, Qatarcat, Steph, etc) but its nice to have something new. I'm also really flattered that someone liked mine enough to start their own !! Anyways, I am off to pack for the weekend and get some schoolwork done.

I actually went to class tonight (yes Cody, I ACTUALLY did :P ) and I am so freaking excited to see him, and hang out with him. I actually contemplated calling in sick to work on Saturday, just so I could have an extra day, but its not a good idea. Especially since our bonuses are being handed out soon, best to look as good as possible right now ! So, no sick days for me. WOO HOO, 2 days till weekend !!

decisions, decisions

It's cold out. Really, Really, freakingly weirdly cold. I know that wasn't a full sentence, but I don't care. It's even suppose to snow up island tonight, in Nanaimo. I personally believe that whomever chooses to live in Nanaimo deserves the worst they can get, but thats just me.

Anyways, so I'm sitting at home, in my warm comfy room, looking out on the cold, stormy and windy night. I don't want to go to my class tonight. I'm suppose to get back my second midterm tonight though, but I still don't want to drive and walk in this cold stormy weather.

Its such a hard decision. I should probably go, but I really don't want to.

I'm talking to my two friends online about my conundrum. One lives in Edmonton, and she has absolutely no sympathy. What a jerk. The other, Julian, lives here, and he actually braved the weather to not only go to class, but to observe ducks earlier today. Apparently he has an animal behaviour class where he has to observe ducks for a project. I personally think he should have worn all plaid with a big fur hat and boots for the full effect, he disagrees. Anyways, he also thinks that it is way to cold and uncivilised outside to leave the house.

I'm thinking that I could just get a note from my doctor explaining how cold it was outside, and how far I have to drive. Therefore, because its so stormy and cold and I live so far from campus, it is dangerous for my health to leave the house. There is a high probability of me either catching a cold or getting in an accident. I think she will buy that. Now I just need to call my doctor tommorrow to get the note. ACTUALLY, my prof probably won't give a crap wether or not I'm there, and so I really do not need a note. I don't know why I ever thought I did. I guess somehow I thought it was an exam. Oh right, I'm getting my exam back tonight. Hrm, I don't want to miss that, but I REALLY don't want to be in the cold.

This is tought, a truly hard decision.

I think I will be more productive at home. Besides the fact that I've wasted a bit of time writing this long, slightly pointless blog entry, I'm generally more productive at home. I could do my laundry, finish my readings, and watch America's Next Top Model. I cannot wait to go to Vancouver this weekend. It's only for a day and a bit, which is annoying, but alas, I have to work.

I have a huge weekend off for Dec 16th, so I will take some extra time off, and hopefully go to visit Cody for a while so we can actually spend a good chunk of time together. It's hard to know where we are going, so I won't try. I'm just gonna go with the flow, and as it stands I like hanging out with him. I'm going to his friend's Alex's birthday party on Saturday night. I'm making sure I look my best for it, mostly cause I'm afraid Alex is more attractive than me. Since I'm an Aries, I simply cannot be outshone, so I'm going to have to look my most fabulous. Plus, it never hurts to let Cody know that I am damn hot, and look hotter than everyone else in the room. I think my main thing is that I cannot settle for being second at anything, second best, second fastest, second hottest, second choice, so I always make sure I beat the competition hands down. Or at least die trying !

I probably don't need to worry, or be that competitive, but its in my blood. I'm really jealous easily, unless I know I have nothing to worry about.

Wow, this post turned into quite the discussion about everything ! Anyways, I'm off to do some reading, screw class.

Treasure Down - Gabriel & Dresden


I love them.

I love this song.

I love the music video.

Watch it.

If I could turn back time....

I went to Vancouver, and spent the last 24 hours with Cody.

It was amazing, there are definately changes, and we are both (moreso him than me) a little wary of being urt and jumping in too fast. However, the important parts: the flutters in the stomach, the impulse to smile just looking at him, essentially the love is definately there. I felt like a giddy schoolgirl walking out of the terminal to see him for the first time in 3 months, and in those seconds I knew that I will do whatever it takes to make us work, or to at least try. I'm fine with travelling there, or him coming here, almost every weekend. The distance sucks, but we can make it work I think. I want to, thats what I know for sure.

Yes, the next paragraph is a little R-rated, and you do not have to read it, but its important. I had to mention it, so if you don't wanna read it, skip it ! If you read it and are disturbed, I don't care, haha.

I had my second ever mind-only orgasm with him this weekend. It has happened to me before, I can actually have the thrill and sensation of orgasm without actually physically ejaculating (its only happened once before though). That happened this weekend, I didn't tell him, but I guess now he will know. Without going into too many details, the vast majority of all the best sexual experiences I have ever had are with Cody. Hehe.

I'm home now, its bittersweet. I cannot wait to see him again next weekend or whenever it works out next. I have the usually happiness to be home and in my own bed and such, but I already kinda miss him. I'm so happy he is back. I'm happy that we are seeing one another, and I'm not going to think about the future and where we are going. What happens, happens. All I know is that he is worth every effort on my part to try and make it work. I hope he feels the same, but even if he doesn't, thats how I will continue to feel.

It takes time, and we have some healing to go through. If I could turn back time, I would definately do things a lot differently on my end, but thats what mistakes are for, to learn from. I think that the last 3 months were a big life lesson for me and him. And with that thought I am off to bed. Silly work tommorrow morning.

More Health for the Hungry

I just got back from the gym, my third visit to the gym this week. I don't really notice ANY difference, and I'm pissed off. I just went and bought multivitamins and some other health pills I need. I don't think I'm getting enough minerals and vitamins everyday, so yea, these will help.

I've also been tanning a bit more than usual, and I'm gonna keep it up; I've been way too pasty for way too long. My ass is flabby, its so annoying. If I wiggle it, it wiggles back. sigh.

I'm going to step it up at the gym, clearly I'm not doing enough. My goals are:

-Loose about 3 inches off my waist, mostly just the fat, and gaining muscle.
-No more wiggly, jelly-like ass.
-Slightly bigger arms.

Pretty much the only part of my body that I'm currently happy with are my legs. I have hot legs. They are a perfect combo of muscle and leanness, so they aren't scary and large, but they are lean and defined. I have even asked my girlfriends what they think, and yea, its my hottest part. I want the rest to match ! haha.

I'm going to yoga every Monday night from now on, and the gym 2-3 times a week, and tanning at least once a week. My freckles are coming back, so that might make up for the uglier bits.

Wish me luck !!

No Ice Cream

I'm doing the insane, trying to become healthier over the holiday season.

I had a huge craving for ice cream, so I went to the grocery store. Then, as I am standing there looking at the rows up rows of sweet, succulant, fabulously rich ice cream, all I can think about is how much fat and calories and sweeteners are in each one. Even the healthy ones have artificial crap and chemicals. So, I walked away from the isle. I just walked away without any ice cream.

Then I came home and tried to satisfy my craving with christmas oranges and tea. So far its been ineffective.

Ask A GAY MAN : Fashion Victim Edition

I love him. His videos are always so amazingly hilarious. I agree with him on the sweatpants issue, no where else in the world does society find it acceptable to wear sweatpants in public ! I'm getting dangerously close to a rant, so all I'm going to say is watch it !

HTML dork

Sigh,

My secret love of Computer Science is reasserting itself. I made the decision to pursue a minor in it with my degree, and registered a Math and a Software Engineering class I need towards that.

Then I looked at my blog, and realised that I could put a lot more work into it. I changed the template to one that I found on here, but I was not happy enough with just that. First was my profile picture. Then, I decided to change the clock, again, which is realatively simple. Then I started messing around with the fonts, colours, thicknesses of lines, etc, etc. After about 1.5 hours of working it all out, and numerous republishes, I have this. The main font is a different colour, as are the boxes around the blog title, the thickness of the lines is different, and so are many of the other fonts. Thats about all I did, and it took 1.5 hours ! haha. I love HTML and messing in it, but I don't love how long it takes me to fool around and find something I like.

Sigh, I'm such a closet code dork sometimes. I can hardly wait to learn more Java, or *gasp*, even a NEW programing language !!

P.S. There will be more changes to come ;)

Toronto ?

So, one of my three best friends, Delyth, is moving to Toronto almost certainly in August. I might just move there with her. The University of Toronto has an Economics department that is really well known across Canada. I'm going to make an appointment to see someone at UVic to talk about doing my last year there. My career would most likely have taken me to Toronto eventually, if I stay in Canada, and so it makes sense that I move there now. Another bonus is that flights overseas are really cheap from there, and I could go and visit Europe and such for a lot less than from this coast. Its just a thought, I don't have to make any sort of a decision for a long time.

I'm also really starting to think about the possibility of me applying for jobs in Dubai once I am done here. I can get really great experience with jobs that are much better for a beginner than anything here, to jumpstart my career. Its just a thought, now I'm off to eat and go to UVic and research my paper !

kelly clarkson-walk away

This song describes ALMOST exactly what it is that I feel right now, in this moment. My emotions towards the whole dating situation. I need a man who wants me, and who I know wants me. I need to at least feel that you are interested. I'm still getting the impression that you do not want me to know fully how you feel. Either that, or you are just luke-warmly interested in me.

I'm over settling for something. No more dating unless I know that person is willing to commit, and willing to work and make themselves availlable to me. If that means no dating for the rest of my life, then so be it ! I'm worth it, and I deserve it. And I sure as hell plan on returning the favour and working just as hard as them, if and when it happens.

Anything less just isn't enough. I can't live forever knowing that you aren't sure if you want to be with me or not. It's not like we need to dive right into an intense relationship again, but I need to know that you still want me. We should date, and get to know one another, but I need to get the impression that there is a spark on your end. That this is mutual. You know what I mean, and you know that I will probably know the answer before Thursday.

That felt good, now we find out.

Study Coffee

I'm studying hardcore tonight, which requires vast amounts of coffee. The best part of having spent 3.5 years working for Starbucks is that you get to know almost all the managers at all the stores, and can therefore get away with saying what I just said when I got to the till:

"Hi Lenya. So, not only am I going to be one of those customers that comes in 20 minutes before you close and orders a really complex drink, but I'm also going to get a venti and not pay for it. And how have you been ?"

She didn't even blink an eye at the request. I need to try doing it more often, hehe.

That's It !

I'm so fed up and mad right now, I just had to write.

I was suppose to go to Vancouver tonight to go out to Celebrities (hot gay club there) with some friends of mine. I really want to go, and I am very sad that I am not, but I have made the right decision. They got actually upset with me, and people are saying things like "I knew you wouldn't come" and "you just say you have all that schoolwork as an excuse". REALLY ? IS that what you think ? Cause I'm sitting here and deciding to stay at home and type a paper for fun instead of dancing with hot guys in a very hot club, and using 'schoolwork' as an excuse. ARGH, it pisses me off so much.

To be honest, I really do not think that people who haven't completed a four-year degree program at a university can fully appreciate the amount of work and effort that has to go into it. I have lost a lot of respect for people who say stupid things like the aforementioned responses, and yet themselves have not pursued a post-secondary education. It really makes me mad, because I want to go out, and I want to have fun, but I am making this sacrifice to better myself and to enhance my career because I am a driven person.

Anyone who goes to a technical college or some sort of trades program and reads this and thinks that they know what I'm going through is also kidding themselves. I'm sure that they're workload is intense and its hard in different ways, but I cannot fully understand what they must learn, just as they will never fully understand what I must.

It's not a superiority thing. I just never NEVER want to hear someone tell me that they are 'disappointed' in me not coming out or being social because I have decided to take my education first and foremost, and everything else second. I pay good money for these courses, and I will work towards a fabulous career, and god help anyone who thinks they can get in the way of that. If they wish to support me in my efforts, and if they are understanding and loving nonetheless, then I fully appreciate that. I'm sure it can't be easy for them, but they need to understand that this is important to me. That will not change.

On that note, I am writing my Women's Studies paper tonight, and a film review. Then, tommorrow I am off to the library to study and get books to write my Vampire paper. If someone calls me while I am studying and researching in the library, tough beans, I'm not answering my cell. If I am at home, or on a break from studying, then I will answer, but this is work that needs to get done.

Then, as a reward, I think I am going to either go out, or go to Vancouver or something on Tues and Weds. My family is away right now for the weekend, and I'm taking advantage of it to work my ass off.

Wee !

Thank good sweet Zombie Jebus its the long weekend !!

I'm looking at a place to possibly rent tommorrow with Delyth which I am excited about. I had an extremely stupid day at work today, it wasn't busy, but I almost killed this bitch that I work with. Stacey, my coworker, and I both want to kill this other girl that we work with. To make things better, she literally asked our manager why we always leave early after the branch closes right in front of our faces. I love our manager, she just looked at her and said that we are scheduled to get off early, so we do. Haha, that shut her up. It really surprises me that she is that unprofessional at work and that blatantly mean to the both of us. For no real reason at all. Anyways, so we are gonna go out and just bitch about her over drinks sometime, haha !

I went out on a sorta-date the earlier this week too, he is really funny and nice, and he is just kinda seeing someone else right now. Anyways, I really get along with his personality and he is so engertic and funny, but I just see us remaining friends. I don't think we are a good dating match, but I think we can continue to be awesome friends, and just develop that.

So between immature coworkers, meeting a new friend and crazy school exams this week has been crazy !

Oh, and to add to it, Cody is back. I'm so happy, but I do have mixed emotions about it. I really still miss him, and I really want us to hang out, but I am really wary of making myself too availlable. I mean, I want us to be together more than anything, but I think that I need to not jump into this and just date and be cool for a bit. I am SO looking forward to seeing him, even after all the stuff that happened, I'm totally ready to just move on and see if we are meant to be as a couple and just move on from the past issues. I think we both have a lot going on, and lots of work to do, but I also think we are also insanely compatible, more than any guy I have ever met before him. That makes it worth working for.

Now all I have to do is write a paper over this weekend, and thats it ! Woo hoo !

In unrelated news, Inhave discovered a GREAT new band that I love called MSTRKRFT (mastercraft), they are awesome. I might post a mucis video of theirs tommorrow ... Anyways, off to bed. I'm gonna get my ass outta bed and go to the gym tommorrow !!

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

For your viewing pleasure...

The original UK music video. I love the drowning imagery and the theme of the dark, muddy earthlyness. The real dirtyness of it.

Makes me tear up every time.