Something is definately wrong, I'm just not sure what.
Tonight I went out to my friend Elaine's house, and we had Noodle Box and watched Love Actually, BEST FREAKING MOVIE EVER ! Anyways, thats not the point, afterwards I went out with Delyth to Social Club, and we danced with her two friends Lisa and Sarah. Then, we went to Hush, the electronica, kinda gay club, where Lisa's BF works. We had so much freaking fun and danced our asses off.
I met my friend Julian, whom I have only known online until now, there. He was fun, although he had been there for a while when we came, and I could tell he was hot, sweaty and tired, and he left after about an hour or so. Anyways, so I talked to Cody before I left and said it would just be me and some friends at Social Club and then I was heading home. Oops, plans changed, but I don't think he is happy that I saw Julian, because I found Julian attractive and we almost dated before I met Cody. I mean, I had a guy hit on me, and I told him that I was taken, and that went fine, and Julian and I didn't dance together, we just danced NEAR one another with the girls. I think I handled it fine. BESIDES, Cody went to a freaking gay strip club and very much wanted to cheat on me, so its not like I did anything near that. Argh, I shouldn't bring up the past, I don't want to be that sort of a boyfriend. Anyways, so then Delyth wanted to talk to someone, so I had the brilliant idea that she should call Cody.
Bear in mind that I am driving them all home, so I need to not drink too much, well Delyth is comepletely hammered, and she talks to him, and then I'm all deaf and excited and such, so I probably sounded completely drunk on the phone. I had two drinks, a beer and a shot of tequila. I heart tequila. Anyways, so I think he may have hung up on me, because he thought I was drunk and had driven drunk. I mean, I went through TWO freaking roadblocks on my way home, and I told both of them the truth and neither of them even asked me to get out of the car, it was fine.
I was perhaps a little buzzed, but nothing more. The cops knew that I was fine, and so did I.
Anyways, Cody was also a little short with me the last time we talked online last night. I don't want to read into it too much. It was just that he signed off before I even really got a chance to say goodnight, and yea.. I dunno, he was just short. So, I spend an hour trying to find the perfect ecard to send him to make him feel good in the morning before work, and I found it and sent it. He hasn't said a thing about it. I dunno, I'm just worried that something is bothering him, or that he is upset with me.
Maybe I am over-reacting, but I think that there is something going on I don't know about, or something I've done has rubbed him the wrong way. I need to sort this out.
I also need to get to bed, my its late, cheerio for now !
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Ah Crap !
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6 comments:
hmm... not the most ideal forum for discussing jealousy issues but the post has been made and I need to respond...
...Ok, first the phone rings at somewhere around 5:30am and all I hear is a noise that I think is my alarm clock and I spring up hitting it thinking that "eek time to get up for work!"... ok ya nope its not the alarm and its sunday, its the phone. I had that feeling for a few moments of "where was I, whats that noise, what time is it, why is my phone ringing, who the hell is calling me?"
I answered and breifly spoke with whom I am told was delyth and then passed over to you hun where you were like totally ranting about "omg how much fun we had and omg julian was there and omg we had so much fun blah blah and then you rambled off for about 2 or 3 min about something I didn't understand regarding where your driving and then back again about omg you had so much fun..." I hung up. I am sorry, I don't really remember why I hung up, I don't remember much about the phone call, I was tired. I do know I was, and now after reading your blog even more jealous of Julian.
You told me you wanted to make some new gay friends. My gay friends are either ex's who we've been there and done that, so no attractions anymore or guys who there is no attractions with at all, hence how we are not sexually attractive with each other and can be really good friends. I don't understand how you plan to be good friends with a guy whom your every intention was to date him and how you have just admitted in your blog is extrememly hot and attrative. The only thing holding you back is me and I dont' trust that. I am in a living hell here in Montreal and I can not wait to leave and come home, but I need to finish this work contract. Yes I went out one night and had temptations to meet guys, but I didn't. I also realized how hard it was to walk away from that situation and since then I haven't went back as I know its not a healthy environment to be in. I told you last night I was going to go out in response that you were planning to meet up with Julian which made me really jealous. As soon as you thought I was going out, you became extremely jealous too. I didnt' go out, I just wanted you to realize how I was feeling. When you called me last night before going out I told you this and I think you became very much relaxed knowing I wasn't going out, and you also told me you weren't going to meet Julian, which made me rest easy. But you did. So the phone call... sorry but yes, I hung up cause I was upset and jealous.
Somehow we need to make this distance work with me in Montreal for 2 months and you there. All I know is by adding these feelings into the equation and makeing one another jealous about our actions and other guys will only weaken us and I fear we won't make the 2 months. I told you after I got back from my night out at the club, that We both need to not put ourselves in a position of temptation, after all we both admitted that under the right circumstances we would both be capable of cheating. Knowing that is hard to swallow but I think also a good thing as we can be aware of environments we should not be in and remove ourselves from them.
To summarize, Yes, I hung up, and yes I was extremely jealous. I still am... I hate this, I hate being here, I hate not being with you. I also know that you are going to realize one of these days that you are very attractive and young and you could have any guy you wanted... Why would you stay with me when I am here and all those guys are there.
p.s. I got your e-card, and I responded to you, I loved it, it made my day... Did you not get the email?
Love Cody....
Oops, yeah I just got the email this morning. I'll call you and we can chat about this.
LOVE you :)
... update for you readers... and matt, you should blog about this... but we are doing better then ever and very much in love. We just bought a flight for My boy to come see me in early November for 4 days. OMG I am so excited :P...
... update for you readers... and matt, you should blog about this... but we are doing better then ever and very much in love. We just bought a flight for My boy to come see me in early November for 4 days. OMG I am so excited :P...
Yay you guys are great. And it's only a month away ... well almost.
Awe...you're both so cute! Jealously is very healthy but there are boundaries. Too little trust can result in making you look insecure, and too much trust can have the opposite effect - it will leave the other party wondering how much you really like him.
I don't think you'll have that issue. I'm so happy for you dude.
Read my blog!~
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