then you think

Well, we all know how much of a pastime thinking is for me. Sometimes I do it too much, sometimes things are so obvious that you overthink them.

I overthought about Cody and I. I know I said I wouldn't, but I did. I was reading all the lack of big gestures, and not noticing the subtle but clear ones.

When I went over last weekend, Cody was still feeling ill from a bad flu he had had. Anyways, it was just his stomach, but he was also kinda tired. I understood this, but I also noticed that he didn't seem as cuddley or as obviously into me as I would expect. You know, the small things like moving towards you on the couch, or the little kisses and such. Anyways, I was so busy noticing the lack of those things that I didn't notice things that I should have.

Cody wanted to paint his room, and asked me what colours he should paint it, I said olive green with a redish brown feature wall. Then I came to visit, and guess what colour the room was, olive green with a red brick feature wall. Exactly what I had said, and I totally meant it as a hypothetical, I thought it was just what I thought, nothing more. He then asked me where to put his furniture and how to arrange it, and he did it exactly as I suggested. Little things like this, lots of them are signs. He picked me up from the ferry, spent his entire day with me doing whatever, and when I wanted to drive 20 minutes to out for coffee in Whiterock, we did it. He even secretly applied for a job here in Victoria, and didn't tell me because he didn't want to get my hopes up.

Hence, I cannot wait for next weekend. I have no more concerns about our relationship and its status. I know that he is a little scared to jump in too fast, cause we have been away for so long, and we had such big fights and things happened. At the same time, I know what he means to me, and I know that it is there. I know that he has to slowly open up to showing it, but that deep down he feels the exact same way, and that he loves me and us just as much as I do.

These things show what I should have realised, and they make me smile.