Stupid Feelings

I had assumed that I wouldn't see Cody for at least another month, probably more, and that was kind of calming, cause I knew when he would be back. For some reason it just helped knowing we had that guarenteed break.

He's flying home sometime soon, I think its this weekend, but I'm not sure, he didn't tell me. At first when I heard this, my gut instinct was to be tremendously excited. I don't know why, but thats what it was. I guess I had assumed that he was coming back permanently, and that I could see him soon.

Then I realised that he is just back for a couple of days, and he is flying into Vancouver to see his best friend there, and then going up to visit his family and Taco. It makes sense, I know that he misses them a lot. I think its tremendously good for him, to get to see them again, and sorta recharge.

I guess my stomach just fell when I realised that he would be coming back for a bit and I wouldn't get to see him. It's such a self-centered thing to think, I mean, he obviously would prioritize his family and close friends over me. I guess I had just hoped to see him.

I will still see him in January when he returns, or whenever. I hadn't thought that I was still so attached to the idea of seeing him until this happened. I just didn't think I missed him as much as that. I hope he misses me. I hope that we get back together. I have so many reasons to be mad or upset and to just not want to see him again, but I just can't be. I can't be mad or hateful towards him. Stupid love, I think I still have it.