Thank You John Mayer

John recently joined the coalition of artists and stars that have written or spoken out about the messed up situation the world is in today, about the stupid war, and the stupid leaders of what we call 'Democracy' and I just wanted to thank him. I listen to songs like these and they inspire me, and make me depressed. How is it that so many people can feel this way, and disagree with our leaders, and yet it seems like we make no headway. Almost makes you want to give up and just wait, which I guess is his point.

"Waiting On The World To Change"
John Mayer

Me and all my friends
We're all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing and
There's no way we ever could

Now we see everything that's going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don't have the means
To rise above and beat it

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's hard to beat the system
When we're standing at a distance
So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Now if we had the power
To bring our neighbors home from war
They would have never missed a Christmas
No more ribbons on their door
And when you trust your television
What you get is what you got
Cause when they own the information, oh
They can bend it all they want

That's why we're waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

It's not that we don't care,
We just know that the fight ain't fair
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

And we're still waiting
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change
One day our generation
Is gonna rule the population
So we keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

We keep on waiting
Waiting on the world to change

Ah Crap !

Something is definately wrong, I'm just not sure what.

Tonight I went out to my friend Elaine's house, and we had Noodle Box and watched Love Actually, BEST FREAKING MOVIE EVER ! Anyways, thats not the point, afterwards I went out with Delyth to Social Club, and we danced with her two friends Lisa and Sarah. Then, we went to Hush, the electronica, kinda gay club, where Lisa's BF works. We had so much freaking fun and danced our asses off.

I met my friend Julian, whom I have only known online until now, there. He was fun, although he had been there for a while when we came, and I could tell he was hot, sweaty and tired, and he left after about an hour or so. Anyways, so I talked to Cody before I left and said it would just be me and some friends at Social Club and then I was heading home. Oops, plans changed, but I don't think he is happy that I saw Julian, because I found Julian attractive and we almost dated before I met Cody. I mean, I had a guy hit on me, and I told him that I was taken, and that went fine, and Julian and I didn't dance together, we just danced NEAR one another with the girls. I think I handled it fine. BESIDES, Cody went to a freaking gay strip club and very much wanted to cheat on me, so its not like I did anything near that. Argh, I shouldn't bring up the past, I don't want to be that sort of a boyfriend. Anyways, so then Delyth wanted to talk to someone, so I had the brilliant idea that she should call Cody.

Bear in mind that I am driving them all home, so I need to not drink too much, well Delyth is comepletely hammered, and she talks to him, and then I'm all deaf and excited and such, so I probably sounded completely drunk on the phone. I had two drinks, a beer and a shot of tequila. I heart tequila. Anyways, so I think he may have hung up on me, because he thought I was drunk and had driven drunk. I mean, I went through TWO freaking roadblocks on my way home, and I told both of them the truth and neither of them even asked me to get out of the car, it was fine.

I was perhaps a little buzzed, but nothing more. The cops knew that I was fine, and so did I.

Anyways, Cody was also a little short with me the last time we talked online last night. I don't want to read into it too much. It was just that he signed off before I even really got a chance to say goodnight, and yea.. I dunno, he was just short. So, I spend an hour trying to find the perfect ecard to send him to make him feel good in the morning before work, and I found it and sent it. He hasn't said a thing about it. I dunno, I'm just worried that something is bothering him, or that he is upset with me.

Maybe I am over-reacting, but I think that there is something going on I don't know about, or something I've done has rubbed him the wrong way. I need to sort this out.

I also need to get to bed, my its late, cheerio for now !

Leaving me !

There are three people at work leaving me, its saddening.

I just had a retirement/going away appys/drinks party at a local pub/restaurant called the Beacon Landing. It was awesome, we had the best drinks and some really good food, although it was extremely expensive.

Anyways, so my trainer, Dan, is leaving us for a full-time Central Teller position at the main branch which is good for him cause it is a really exciting job and its a pay scale higher. The other was Maureen, who is retiring at the end of this month. I'm really sad to see both of them going, especially when it is the guy that trained me.

I took out my big binder tonight, and started organising, it was fun. I had notes in there from first year Calculus; so, needless to say, it needed the organising. It really excited me actually, and I realised just how much I love being s student sometimes. I'm not nearly as far behind as I think I am when it comes to school work, I think I'm just being melodramatic. I mean, its a lot on my plate, but I can handle it. I just need to do this paper proposal and write a quick 300 word film review this weekend. It should, in total, only take me 4 hours to complete those two things.

I'm really tired tonight, I'm not quite sure why. I only work until 1:30pm tommorrow, so I think after work I am going to go to UVic and start working on a paper proposal that I have to submit by Monday, and then if I get a good chunk of that done, then I am allowed to go out tommorrow night. My good friend that also works at Main Branch is having a party at her house, and its going to be awesome, she is such a riot. So if I study hard, then I'm going there with some friends, and it will be fun !

Moving.

My mom has met this amazing man, and she and him are definately hitting it off, its weird, but I am so happy for her. They've known one another for about 2 years, but only recently became romantically involved. In any case, they have decided to move in together in about a year, so next September.

This is also because my mom has decided to do her PHD at UBC in Vancouver. This is also really exciting and I am totally happy for her. Therefore, they will be moving in together to Vancouver, where he already lives, in less than a year. This means I need to find a new place to live in about 10 months, and we have to get our house ready to be on the market in about 6 months.

The housing market here is rediculously expensive, especially seeing as it is a prime retirement community, so my mom has been told she can effectively sell it for more than double what we paid for it, which is also fabulous.

I need to find somewhere to live now... I'm seriously considering transfering to UBC and moving to Vancouver when she does. I probably won't live with her, I more see myself either moving in with my friend Megan or with my boyfriend Cody... It's exciting, I love change !

Crap, I'm kinda late for work, gotta run !

Back to Madness

So, it's the 'back to school' week, woo hoo !

I don't actually start classes until Wednesday, but I'm up right now way too early for work, and so I thought I might as well write on here what is going through my mind right now. I cannot wait to go back to school, but I also do not want to go back to having no life. RBC has given me like 35 hour workweeks, while I'm doing four classes at UVic. I don't quite know how I am going to do it.

I know that they gave me the schedule out of kindness, they give more hours to the good employees. It's the sort of place where you work hard to get more than part-time hours, but part-time is all that I want. I'm going to go in and talk to my manager today, which may not be the best idea but its the only time I can think of to do this, and the earlier, the better.

It's going to be SO freaking busy at work today, its the day back from a long weekend, and my manager was off sick all of last week. I love my new job, but I wish I knew today wasn't going to be insane. It's not really insane like Starbucks would be, its busy, but a different type of busy-ness.

Oh well, I should be happy to have an awesome job, and lucky to be at UVic and just get over it all ! haha. I'm going to go have some coffee.

I luse mEghan

I love hwr. its beens a a good nigst. I went tos megans and ahead soe poit and sangraia nd ooies, and somes vodak. :D

I am raslyy tried but, iwasnt to stuay up sot hat i can sayhi to cdoy before hwe goes to worsk int eh morning thiere.

Ims oo tried.s

Adequate Resolution

Ok, so this is a follow-up to the stripper incident post. haha, that sounds funny. Anyways...

So, Cody went out and had a great time. The friend he was with, Brian, has a BF, but they are apparently in a new relationship and have decided to be "open" right now. Therefore, if either of them see someone they want to have sex with, they do so, but they remain only in a "relationship" with one another. Cody and I agree that while that may work for them, it sure as hell does not work for us !

So Cody went out, and he said the places were amazing. Apparently the first two strip joints were really sleezy and he didn't like them, but the last place was really classily done and really fun atmosphere. He liked it, but said that he was kinda feeling lonely. Apparently the guys in Montreal are very in your face and aggressive, and he had a hard time with how often he was being hit on... and Brian wasn't helping, cause he was trying to convince him to fling while he was in the city. I am going to kill that Brian.

Yea, so then when Brian went to go leave, Cody decided he had to leave too, because he was being way too tempted by the hot boys everywhere. We talked a bit when he came home, and this morning, and he really opened up about how he felt.

He said had a really strong urge to just have a fling, and was kind of mad for a bit that he wasn't single when he was out. But then he felt extremely bad for thinking that, and started feeling guilty that the thought had even crossed his mind, which is cute, but doesn't quite make it right in my opinion.

I can understand how he must of felt, and it was hard for him, so he left because he didn't want to be tempted any more. I must admit that I was angry that he had been tempted and that he had wanted to do cheat for a bit, but it doesn't surprise me, thats why I didn't want him going in the first place ! ARgh.

Anyways, so now its over, and I can move on. I'm still jealous, but whatever, like Steph said, I will be until he comes home, its just who I am. We are on better terms now, and I feel like things are getting back to normal. I really had no idea now amazingly intensely emotional these Long Distance Relationships can be, I can't wait until Cody is home.

Why am I pissed off ?

Cody is in Montreal. His friend, Sanjay, has a friend in Montreal who is taking Cody out with some of his friends tommorrow night. I think it's exciting, and I was happy he was going to have fun while he was there, cause he's not exactly enjoying his job or where in the city he is.

Anyways, now I was informed that he is actually going out to a bunch of gay strip clubs tommorrow night. Which I was only slightly mad about until I decided to read up about some of them in Montreal.

Apparently, Montreal is known for these strip clubs. A lot of them have "private rooms" and you can purchase "extended private dances". Gawd, how amazingly seedy. Even some of the reviews say that they were seedy compared to what the person expected. Some were reviewed as being "classy" and well managed, but they all have private "back rooms" and such.

Honestly, given as much as I know about gay people, it doesn't surprise me one bit. What does surprise me is that Cody told me he was going out tommorrow night ages ago, but didn't mention the stripper thing until tonight. I don't know, maybe I'm reading way too much into it than I should be; but I honestly am not very happy when I imagine what could happen when you mix alcohol and a bunch of gay guys out on the town in one of these places. I think I'm also jealous, because I know that he is going to find these guys attractive and be yelling and hooting at them, while I sit here, literally hundreds of miles away from my boyfriend.

I don't even want to talk about it with him, I'm just mad, and sad, and I could almost cry, and I don't know why. I think more than anything, what pisses me off, is that he is going to be out and about in one of the hottest and biggest gay scenes in Canada witha bunch of hot guys, and I'm not there, I'm not even close, and lets be honest, I will probably be the last thing on his mind. I just hate being this far away.

Megan says I'm over-reacting about the strippers, but I don't think its even about them. I think its more about me hating being separated from my man when he is in such an amazing city. I can't stand it, and I hate that I get jealous so easily, but I can't help it. All my past romances have all involved cheating, its just been a plague on my love life.

Then again, maybe its just me, maybe I'm being an idiot. Or maybe I'm right, and I was a fool.

My Everything.

I am so completely and totally in love, it would be scary if it wasn't so wonderful.

I never knew how all-encompassing and overwhelming this feeling is. I can honestly say that I have never felt like this before about any human being, and its beautiful. He is my everything.

His name is Cody, and we met online. Yes, we met online, get over it. I love him.

I imagine you want to know all the background info that friends usually want. He lives in Merrit temporarily right now, while he waits to start his training to become an Air Traffic Controller. He is currently an Aircraft Mechanic. He's working his last contract, with Bombardier, in Montreal for the next 2 months, which makes me happy for him, but sad. I will get to see him in 6 weeks, when I fly there to see him for Thanksgiving in October.

He has a dog named Taco, whom I also love, not in the same way.



I don't know what else to say. I never wanted to get married. I never wanted to be that committed, I just wanted a bf, but never anything seriously more.

I can see myself marrying him. I would love to grow old with him, and spend the rest of our lives together.

So much !

OMG, It's been an insanely long time since I posted ANYTHING on here. I'm considering changing my blog over to a MySpace account, but I'm not sure. If, and when, I get that up and running, I will post on here for those of you whom it may concern what that address would be !

In the news:

I've been busy with the new job, just finished training, and yea, been excitingly busy at work. I've met the man of my dreams, and we have been going out for just overa month now I think. It's been pretty crazy, but wonderful all at once.

Yea, when I have more time and focus I will update some more on the particulars and details.

I love Sundays.

I just realised something, I will never have to work on a Sunday ever again. Furthermore, I am promising myself that I will never work at a job on a Sunday for the rest of my life, its exciting !

I'm doing laundry, washing regular clothes and getting my dress shirts pressed for tommorrow. I love the simple pleasures of life so much. I just make myself some coffee an hour ago and have been watching a 'What Not to Wear' marathon on TLC.

I had an awesome weekend, and I'm getting my first paycheque on Friday from the bank ! They have an online system, so I can see what my paycheque will be beforehand, which I must say is rather useful. It's the largest paycheque I have ever gotten, and it is exciting. I'm really happy right now, even though there is no significant other in my life right now, I feel fine about it. I do not need someone else to make me fabulous ! My job is great, and it has career posibilities, school starts soon, and I'm excited for it.

I'm starting to feel what I can only describe as 'comfortable in my own skin'. It feels great. It helps that I probably found the most perfect place in the whole world for me to move into when I decide to move out.

One of my co-trainees at the Main Branch in Victoria lives just across the water in a nice part of Esquimalt, in a house built in the 1920's. It's gorgeously bohemian. There is a huge egg painted on one wall of the gigantic kitchen and the firplace is a huge, with brightly painted walls. It has all original hardwood floors and is on a large lot. It also technically has three bedrooms, but right now its her and her friend living there. The third bedroom (hopefully mine in the future) is actually a redone part of the attic, it overlooks the street through these funky old shuttered windows, and has a slanted ceiling, which I love. You get to the room via this narrow, steep staircase, but that is the only downside. The room is quite small, but the closet is HUGE, which is good for me. I love the livingroom too, which they said I could add me desk to, and make part of it into a study for me.

Now, for the best part. The house is owned by her parents, and they do not have a mortgage on it, so they pay rediculously cheap rent, $800 total for the entire place. If I moved in, they would charge me $200, and each pay $300 themselves, because I'm getting the smallest room, and because it's in the attic. I cannot believe how cheap that is. Its not uncommon to pay $600+ for a semi-decent bachelor studio appartment here, and this is a room in a huge funky old house with hardwood floors that is a 10 minute bus ride from downtown. They are also not 'looking' for a roomate, so the room is pretty much mine whenever I decide to move out, since I have no competition for it.

I think I know where I am going to move into come January.

It's a rainy Sunday, the best kind, and I am thoroughly enjoying it.

Today's Wisdom

When life gives you lemons,
bust out the salt and tequila !

You see these shackles baby ? I'm your slave...

So, it's official. I like Justin Timberlakes' new song "SexyBack".

It's honestly the first song of his that I have liked, and it makes me respect him. I mean, look how much he has changed ! When your listening to it, its hard to imagine that he was part of N Sync.

The song is so original, with a good beat, and hot lyrics, it just really impresses me. It's hard to find an artist out there that is willing to rethink they're styles, adventure into new areas and reinvent themselves. That is what separates any artist from a classic. Classics have adapted themselves to the trends, sometimes setting them, and are always original and never afraid to reinvent themselves when they wish.

That, coincidently, is also what I so respect about Madonna. She has existed for three decades, and in each one she was a hit, with original music and a creative style. She not only adapted, but set trends. It says a lot about the true talent that someone can do that.

If Justin can keep it up, I can see myself remaining a fan.

And for those of you who have not heard SexyBack, go download it ...
*cough* I mean, buy it legally !!

RE-re-rethinking.

Ok, so maybe I think too much.

I was extremely high and drunk last night. It was good because sometimes you think of the most simple, yet probable, answers to questions. It took me only 2 minutes of thinking to realise that maybe I have been too harsh on Nathan. I mean, he just started a new job, which deals with some pretty sketchy people. He is getting up early almost every morning, working in a pretty hot office, and then his schedule means we almost never have time off together at the same time. So, I mean, its kinda understandable that he is just having a hard time wanting to actually go out when he has the time to sleep.

Then he called me at 11:30p last night, and put more fuel on the fire. Sonya, Deyth, and I were at a pizza place after Luminara, and before clubbing. He calls to say goodnight, and says he is just walking home. I ask him where he was waling from. He went out to the gay bar with his 'friend' for about an hour. Didn't really bother to tell me he was out, so you know, we could actually hang out or anything. I said he should stop by the pizza place, cause its along he walk home. He was already past it. It was rather coincidental that he forgot to call me until he was already home, and there was no chance of us seeing one another because he had to go to bed for work the next morning. I mean, if that isn't a sign that he doesn't want to see me, then what is ??

I'm fairly certain I hung up on him as he was saying goodnight to me. I mean, I really don't want to listen to any more of your shit, so why should I ? He can call and talk when he decides to be upfront, truthful, and honest with both himself and I.

Now, I am REALLY happy and impressed with myself. Because, right after I hung up on him, I went out and had a really great time with some old friends and never thought once about it ! I enjoyed myself and last night, and no one is going to ruin that !

Fuck.

I am such a cauldron of emotions right now, It's insane.

I got my hair done today, and it looks great now after we coloured it three times. My scalp is shot to hell though. It hurts a lot, and apparently it may scab, but no pain, no gain !

I'm mad about Nathan, surprise. I'm not mad at him, but at myself. I'm just so confused right now. I called him today and asked if he wanted to go out tonight to Luminara with some friends. He told me that he had a guy friend over from Vancouver, and that they didn't know what they are doing, but that he didn't think we should all hang out. I'm pretty sure he's seeing someone else and that he isn't interested in me anymore. Which is fine, just fucking tell me that straight up. I'm so sick of all this shit. There are a couple guys that I'm kinda wanting to date right now that are either moving here soon, or are here now. I'm totally going on a date with one of them tommorrow, and Nathan can call me when he wants to finally talk to me.

I'm going to go out tonight to Luminara and having fun with friends. Luminara is this outdoor lantern festival in Beacon Hill Park at night. Its really warm here right now, so it will be the perfect night for it !

At Work

I'm at work right now, and I'm in a conference call doing training. It is amazingly boring right now. One of the girls has this technical issue so we all have to wait and do nothing while the co-ordinator tries to fix the problem. What ever happened to the days of actual in-class meetings and facilitations for learning !? I mean, we are all a classroom, but half of us are on the mainland, and half of us are on the island. It's kinda cool and creepy that I am training with people that I have never met before and may never meet again.

This is also a new training program that I am doing, so it may just be that this program is new and therefore they need to work out the bugs, and such. It's kinda exciting how cool the funky tools we get to use are, but every once in a while I wish I could actually just use a whiteboard and pen.

Feist and Erika !

Feist actually came to little Victoria ! I went with a friend of mine (Deylth), and we were amazed. She is actually better live than any of her recordings. She plays with the songs and sang them a little different each time. I love her, she just has this bohemian air about her. All of Centenial Square, where she performed, reeked of weed, haha.



After the concert, some friends and I all went to Canoe Club. Along the way, Deyth and I decided we wanted some weed. She decides to then go up to every native or skater person she sees along the way and ask them for weed. This is apparently a very good tactic, because the third person she asked sold us some ! The best part was how she approached them. She would literally say 'excuse me sir, but I was wondering if you happen to have any marijuana we could purchase'. I was laughing so hard !

Anyways, so we then realised that we need rolling papers, so also along our walk, we notice some guys smoking on a balcony along the street. She stops, and in her most flirtatious way, asks them for some. They actually gave us some, but only after some intense flirting on her part. I am so jealous of how women can get whatever they want that way. grr.


Anyways, so we drank at Canoe Club, went to the side and smoked it, and just hung out until about midnight. At this point the two girls decided they really want to go to the gay bar. So, despite my intense disagreement, they dragged me to the gay bar. It's such a sleeze hole. Anyways, so we went there, and guess who I met !?

My trainer from the Bank !! He was out with his boyfriend, it was awesome, we all hung out for a bit. I tried to convince Nathan to come out with us, but he refused, cause he had to work saturday morning at like 8am. Then, later, his roomate comes in and tells me how Nathan stayed up till 1am with him drinking tequila anyways. I was very mad.

Things are better now, but I think that something is up with Nathan. He just seems really tired, and yesterday he wouldn't let me come over for 30 minutes because he had 'plans'. I just thought it was weird, cause he was at home. I mean, what plans did he have ?! argh, whatever.

I'm talking to my friend Erika who has been living just outside Amsterdam as an Au Pair nanny for the past year. She is coming back in a month, and I am SO exicted. She's telling me about how she orders a joint with her coffee in the morning at this coffeeshop run by two old ladies on the way to school to learn dutch. I miss Erika SO MUCH ! She was my wild evil side during my first year, then she went and left me ! So tragic...

But she's coming baaacck soon ! Muwahaha. Here are some pic of her in the Netherlands :

I Heart Club Monaco

My pants from Club Monaco, one of my favourite stores ever, arrived in the mail today. There are two pair, both are a lovely thin, silky wool. One pair is black with an off-white pinstripe, the other is a subtle grey pattern. They are hot.

In case you don't know, the story behind me getting pants Fedex-ed to me starts last Sunday. I was shopping downtown for all the essential clothing requirements of my first week, to ensure I look as hot as possible at work. I bought a pair of Aldo shoes, with the help of Nathan, for 50% off (love employee discount). A gorgeous Matinique thin black silk tie, blue pinstripe shirt, and a pair of fabulous dark cream Club Monaco dress pants. While I was there, I fell in love with the two pairs of thin wool pants described above. They were on sale to boot, for $49 (instead of the original $129). Best sale ever ! They were out of my waist size (31), and the other ones simply would not work. The manager was fabulous and actually called around for almost an hour to find a store in western Canada that had the two pairs I wanted. He eventually found a store in Edmonton, of all places, that had them. For a small charge of $6 a pant, they were Fedex-ed to my house, and charged directly onto my Visa card.

I was so impressed that the manager recognised that I spend a lot of money (easily thousands a year) and time in that store, and went the extra mile for me. Anyone out there who does not frequently go to Club Monaco should ! I will definately be recommending them as much as I can.

They are so wonderful and fabulous, and I got two for less than the original price of one pair, I cannot wait to wear them to RBC tommorrow. Speaking of which, the bank training is going wonderfully. I am treated so well there, its amazing. It's completely overwhelming, and I am simply amazed by how much these people need to know. I cannot wait until tommorrow though. Despite how hard it all is, and how overwhelmed I feel, I am excited to go to work everyday, and that is priceless.

Lots to tell

Ok, so I've have had the best week in a long time.

Drama occured on Sunday night. It was good, bad, ugly and beautiful. Long story short, Dan disappeared, I ran around looking like a fool for him, found him doing lines of coke in a sketchy alleyway with his roomie. I was his ride home though, so even though I was mad I stayed and danced with them back at the club we were at. Even though everyone I knew was at another place (except Charlie). While I'm dancing right near him, he goes and starts grinding with this guy, then they start making out. I flipped. I mean, we were not even really dating, but I was out with him, and I was overlooking his apparent drug issues to give him a ride home, and he goes off with this slut !

I just walked away, like Kelly Clarkson says. I went to Prism Lounge, where the people I knew were, and just vented. I was a very angry, upset, sad, drunk. (apparently after I left Dan, Charlie punched him :D )

At Prism, I met Nathan. He's roomates with a guy named Lanny who I hung out with a bit, but didn't really turn out to be my type. They have a big appartment of gay love, and drama. Jeremy, the source of the drama, just moved out and took all the furniture with him, but thats another story. Anyways, so yeah, I've always had a bit of a crush on Nathan, he is SO hot. We started talking about how gay men in this town suck and how much they are players. At this point I have almost all my gay male friends telling me how Dan has a reputation, and how sketchy he is, even Nathan told me he was warned about him. Sigh, could have used the gossip earlier, but alas, it was a learning.

Anyways, so I went to Nathan's that night. Me and four guys all hung out in a bed, smoking pot, and ranting about life. I cuddled and made out with Nathan until the sun actually started coming up.

In the five days since Sunday, I've slept over every one except Tuesday. I don't know what to think, but I've never been like this with a guy before, EVER. We have not only clicked right away, but we've been really honest with one another. He is so sweet. I am almost dumbfounded by how this is progressing. I especially love how I'm just letting it go however it wants, let it flow and see where we go.

Yeah, thats been my week in a nutshell. There has been some work related stuff, but that is also another post. ;)

Stella in the shower.

... is the best thing EVER after work. Today at work sucked big time. I'm not talking about it.

I've gone out a LOT with Dan now. He rocks. I'm kinda drunk a little right now. Oh yea, and its pride. i'm too lazt to type more about whats been going on, but I am going to tommorrow, so yeah.

thats all ! I'm going out tonight, WEEee 1